Musing on Relationships

The thing about dating someone is that at least some part of you wants to imagine that you are the only person that they have ever been with and the only person that they will be with in the future. But the older you get, the more that becomes a super unrealistic possibility. So, you pretend that previous partners don't exist until you stumble upon irrefutable evidence of your partner's previous life without you which you can't ignore. The weird thing is, sometimes that hurts more when you stumble upon this kind of information about a person who is now also your ex. Because it reminds you that you are just a person that has come and gone in the life of your partner. It's almost like just being a number. I think that these are all normal human emotions. And that leads to eruptions of jealousy and general psycho bitchness. :/

Schism

you say it
like it's nothing
two poles
like fishing in a hole
for a label

pushing all
your pills
down my throat
as though all the ills
will just
instantly go away

calm. calm. logical. logical.
you are all so
damned methodical
when it comes to
your science
you misinterpret my silence
for acquiescence


you say it
like it's nothing
you say it
like it's nothing
when. you.
all know that it's something.
you still say it
like it's nothing.

I Can Not Dare

*written 24th May 2012*

I can not dare

To whisper the words

That whirl inside

My weary head

The ones I often

Dread

I’m scared of

Being hurt

Of getting it wrong

Of putting myself

Out there

And finding I am standing

Closer to your side of town

And worse still

I am standing all alone

Arms outstretched

I am falling,

Falling.

Into the abyss

Of confusion mixed with

This

A misplaced bliss

One that dares not kiss

For it’s all

Smokes and mirrors

Chaos

Anxiety

Smokescreens and mist,,,,,,

Ill tell you this

Nothing.

I’ll never tell.

I cannot dare.

Soul Searching

I am Stacey

but who is that?

I'm made up of pieces-

even I know that

Can't be sure

when I turn my back

I'm not gonna disappear

won't reject myself flat

I am Stacey

but what does that mean?

I have breasts and I have brains

so, I'm stuck somewhere between

The expectations of what

is Stacey and what she will do

the girl, the friend, the lover

hell, she's sure to become a mother

But when I stop

and just try to be

I realise without all the external expectations

I'm not sure what is "me"

Poem/Visual Representation/Playing around

Poem- "Adam"

A poem inspired by the series 2 finale of Girls.

ADAM

Wish I was Hannah

Where's my Adam?

Come on, up and at 'em

Come and save me

From the chains that claim me

From the position in my bed

Where I lay, wrapped in dread

Of what may and will be

Of what the future holds for me

Adam, save me from this prison

Made in my mind, this haunting schism

Chisel away the sadness

The lonely, screaming madness

And help me to find

Some kind of piece of mind

Because I've grown to hate
The world I've helped create